Let it go

 yesterday

I hit the wall

after several continuous days

of good

the bad

suddenly came to me

I have

usual things to do

with one 

task given

by my housemate

that task

require other person 

signal

and existence 

in order for me 

to complete the task

but then

the moment 

of him coming

was never

there

so I wait

waiting 

and waiting

while completing 

the house chores

laundry done

folding done 

but there's more to go

and I'm still here

waiting 

for the person 

to contact me

until at one moment 

I felt tired

tired of waiting

the chores

that have to be done

still in the list

uncompleted

that was the moment 

where it came

the thought

of blaming myself

of hating myself

of harming myself

of not be able to complete 

other chores 

while waiting 

the restless felt

harsh

painful

and bitter

why am I 

still prioritise

other people

when me 

myself 

treated like

the second place?

a lot of thoughts

passed my head

kill my energy 

to do other things

after that all the things 

I've done

feel heavier

than before

feel like

I am forced to do those things

maybe I'm afraid

of being tired

of being in pain

after doing all the work

suddenly my head 

full of thoughts

dark ones

and I fill it 

in the well 

inside my head

but strangely

the thoughts never stops

and the well

never full

making myself tired of just 

thinking 

about the possibilities

today

it is also feel the same

but then

I shake myself 

in front of the mirror

and start asking 

the reflection

are you okay?

why am I so harsh to you

although I never try 

to be harsh to others

Are you in pain

I'm here for you

I'm sorry for the pain

I'm sure that 

I'm the one who caused it

then I realize

that I am 

overwhelmed 

because of the things 

that I can't control

I hold onto it

and don't want to let it go

I should let it go

let it be a part of my past