:)

am I waiting?

yes and no

yes for death

one day

everyone will die 

but it is not the end yet

death is not equal to the end

that's why I'm eagerly waiting for it

as to review the overall summary

of how I live my life

and whether I can get to the good side

of the afterlife or not

I am not waiting for a person

I think it is probably 

more of finding things that comes 

subsequently when living with the person

find the bless 

find the "shortcut"

to be a better person or worst

you never know which you will be first

and later

although there is always a saying

that older is wiser

I do not have any interest 

in finding 

that type of blessings yet

maybe I will be in the future

who knows?

if my nature is calling

"they" said being a woman must be 

gentle

caring

tolerance

but they never ask what our limits is

I'm seeing the obvious

"they" think women have no limit

yet not saying anything

cause I'm a woman too

Does that make sense

not for me

yes for them

I can consistently go the extra mile

caring for my beloved one

but not for any stranger

or even any people 

that I barely know

"they" said I'm arrogant

due to my avoidance 

of talking about others

at their back 

what?

I'm tired 

lost?

I don't think so

just confused

trust Allah

my inner self always said to me

trust Him

no matter

how suck your life are

because He knows you more

than you know yourself

I guess that's true

I'm barely can confirm

what I like to eat 

what I like to wear

what I like to watch

I do 

what I feel comfortable 

not because I like it

maybe cause I need them

or love them

or hate them

you will never know 

haha 

what a tiring life 

wish it will worth it

choosing this life

that money is not the root

of this journey

:)