Cringe

yesterday

I saw you once

seems like my feeling still want to hide from you

I think you know

you know that it is me , isn't it?

that morning

my thoughts ask 

why recently I don't see you around the campus or residence anymore

and bam

there you are

eating ice cream and buying bread

really similar to my to do action

my heartbeat straight raising up

high and higher

just like I am just finishing marathon

you're fine 

I guess

I never ask

because I don't want to bother you

anymore?

I think so

you know what

some people said

if you find someone similar to you

have the similar mindset, kindness and action

you should be with them

I don't think 

you know much about me

just like I don't know much about you

that day

if I said yes

I would be lying to myself 

again

because how come can I like someone

without knowing anything about them?

and I also know

given my personality

I would be okay to anything, everything

just because 

it's you

it's dumb but at least 

I should save myself 

from being slave of emotions

the feel of being needed

the feel of having a person by my side

the feel of having someone to talk to

let me first feel the opposite of what I wanted

so that I can appreciate those feelings 

although it's small 

I always think that you and me 

have quite similarities on the surface

but different when you deep dive into the feelings

you are someone

who I less talk to

but feeling like we are so close

to keep having hope 

of us

is hurts

but not impossible

I am sorry 

for bothering you

again and again

because nowdays it's hard for me to talk

to someone I don't feel safe with

talk honestly

about my feelings

talk comfortably

about myself

although we are strangers to each other

you have become my past

before I realize the reason why