MCO

 when I'm sitting in the library and rest

there are flashback going through my mind

there's a time back when I still in mco

I do absolutely nothing for a month, 

from a normal high school kids, 

to the kids that study at home,

I found myself juggle a lot with my study time

there's no motivation

no support call from friends 

as they are also struggle the similar things,

I found myself sitting at the study table doing nothing

read some notes, 

doing some question

but nothing goes in

it just feel bland 

until maybe at the right time,

my body find comforts to study again

I write things, 

for economics , I think

the subject I struggle quite a lot 

write notes about it

again and again

but nothing attach to me

the me at that time love to force herself to study

she just angry because her parents scold her a lot

as she is not studying 

just playing phone 

most of her free time

it's not that she don't want to study

but she never find comforts in study anymore

studying become a burden to her

so she sits on the studying table 

after spending lot of time playing her phone until she bored

and pretend to study tons of things at once

thinking that she should make up with all the regret of wasting her time 

sometimes she also starts crying 

because of the tension, the talks of her beloved people 

not even thinking about herself 

how funny that is

looking back at those time

I can just smile

never actually thinking that I got through that tough time

I just can thank my past self 

for being strong for her beloved

for trying every single time

of being patient

of being mistreated 

again and again

her future self 

is smiling while resting in library

to get some rest

because she deserve it

:)